What's the difference

I mean, here I am again at 12:49 am, awake, answering pages about ridiculous things that can wait until the morning. One patient has even paged me 3 times FROM THE EMERGENCY ROOM WAITING ROOM. I finally told her that she was abusing the system- that I was not her personal concierge doctor, but instead a fellow on-call after a 19 hour and counting day. She was calling to complain about her pain- in between doctors being in her room to see her!! And she screamed at me and told me I was rude when I did express my discontent.

People are so needy out there for hugs, and they often ask for them from us. But it's really not our role- to provide pick-me-ups to anyone who feels like having us paged at 3am. That's where the line gets crossed. And that's where I question- just for a moment- whether this is worth the work. My pager is not a hotline for the emotionally unwell. It is supposed to be for emergency, gastrointestinal-related calls. I mean, do most of you, my readers, at 2am think "I can't sleep, let's page a doctor for some lovin'!" I pity these patients, and now I have spoken to over 50 of them this year between 6pm and 7am on my call nights. Always asking questions that are non-urgent- and keeping me on the phone as long as they can.

I fear that I am getting less patient, that my compassion is being drained by this sleepless exercise in patience and preservation. It's dark, cold December. And this is the 12:49am of a first year fellow.